


Strong Enough

by sugarandspace



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: (in the past), 02x18, Angst, Break Up, Emotional Hurt, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, kinda classifies as
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-13
Updated: 2018-04-13
Packaged: 2019-04-22 08:49:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14305110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarandspace/pseuds/sugarandspace
Summary: Alexander Lightwood did not cry.------Just an angsty continuation of that break up scene in 02x18





	Strong Enough

**Author's Note:**

> Fun fact, I've had a part of this drabble written since 02x18 aired :D it was just 100 words and I didn't plant to post it but then I had this idea to expand it a tiny bit and here we are.

Alexander Lightwood did not cry.

Crying was a sign of weakness and in a battle showing your weakness got you killed. Showing weakness at the Institute made people question your abilities, and showing weakness around your family showed that you weren’t strong enough to look out for your siblings, you weren’t what everyone expected you to be.

Alexander Lightwood was not weak, and he did not cry.

But now as he was watching Magnus leave, it felt like the only thing he wanted to do.

It was his first relationship, and therefore his first real heartbreak too. Alec was an experienced Shadowhunter, and with that came the battles and inevitable battle wounds. But no sword, claw or tooth had ever hurt this much. It was like he could feel the cracks in his heart, the cracks growing with each step Magnus took towards the elevator, away from him. And as the doors slid closed, Alec felt like someone was blocking his throat, making it impossible for the air to move through to his lungs.

He stood there on the thankfully deserted hallway for a moment, seemingly frozen, because what was he supposed to do now? Magnus had left him and he felt like crying. 

Alec didn’t know how to cope with it. Had this happened a few weeks ago, Alec would have headed to the training area straight away, letting his emotions out on a punching bag or by pushing the training so far he could still feel it in his body a week later.

_ “Too busy to use the healing rune?” _

The memory knocked the remaining air from Alec’s lungs. With Magnus he had found new ways to deal with things, no longer shooting the arrows until his hands bled. 

Being with Magnus, he didn’t have to be strong enough. Just being  _ himself  _ was enough.

But Magnus wasn’t here now. 

And as Alec composed himself enough to move, no one needed to know that he sneaked into his own room. No one needed to know that as soon as the door was closed, Alec slid down until he was sitting, his legs drawn near and his arms wrapped around them. In the privacy of his room he let himself break down. He hid his face into his knees, letting out the sob that had been clawing its way up his throat ever since that elevator door closed. 

Because if no one saw it, he could deny it ever happening.

**Author's Note:**

> Only my second Malec fic (does it even count as a fic it's so short and has zero dialogue?) so feedback will be cherished! I've written 1000 words of my next fic and it's not even close to being finished so it will definitely be longer! :)


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